You Never Take Me to Bangladesh

Why is everyone singing about Bangladesh?

In June 2026, songwriter Ian McConnell released a track called “Bangladesh”, built around one extremely catchy complaint: the person he loves never takes him to Bangladesh. TikTok did the rest. Couples tag each other, friends send it to the trip-cancelling member of the group chat, and “you never take me to Bangladesh” became 2026's way of saying you keep promising and it keeps not happening.

This toy is our contribution to the discourse: it keeps the receipts. Type in who keeps not taking you, and it generates the excuse they're statistically most likely to use next — plus the odds you actually go this year (spoiler: low).

For the record, Bangladesh deserves better

The joke here is never on Bangladesh — it's on whoever keeps not booking the flight. Between Dhaka's legendary street food, the Sundarbans mangrove forest (home of the Bengal tiger) and Cox's Bazar, the world's longest natural sea beach, the destination was never the problem. Book the flight.

The four excuse moods

• Logistics™ — the flights are “weird right now”. The flights are fine.
• Someday™ — next year, for sure. It is always next year.
• Suspicious — goes quiet every time Dhaka comes up.
• Dramatic — acts like it's a moon landing. It's a flight with snacks.

How to use it

1. Type who keeps not taking you (or hit 🎲 for a random culprit).
2. Press Get their excuse — hit ↻ Again for a fresh mood and line.
3. Tap Share card to save or send the image to whoever needs to see it.

How the excuse is chosen

It is rule-based, and there is no AI anywhere in it. The tool hashes the name you type into a number and uses that number to pick a line from a hand-written phrasebank, grouped by mood. The same name and mood always produce the same excuse — so you can send someone the exact input and they will get the exact card back.

The only genuinely random thing on the page is the 🎲 button, which drops in an example culprit when you cannot think of one. The result itself is never random.

Every line in that bank was written by a person and read by a person. That is precisely why we did not reach for a language model: a model would eventually generate something we would have to apologise for, and the whole premise here depends on the joke landing on the right target. Nothing you type is sent anywhere, because there is no server to send it to — the entire tool runs in your browser and what you type is gone once you close the tab.

The percentage is a joke, and we mean that literally

The card gives you a number: the odds they actually take you this year. It is comedy, not a forecast. It is generated on your device from the same hand-written bank as everything else, it knows nothing about you or the person you named, and it is not a prediction of anything at all.

We are labouring this point because a percentage on a card looks like data. Precision is persuasive even when it is meaningless, and a number that has been rounded to a whole percent looks like it was measured. It was not. If it says 4%, that is a joke about someone who keeps saying “next year”, and the only person who can move that number is them.

Frequently asked questions

Is this AI-generated?

No. Every excuse is hand-written and ships with the page in a file. There is no model and no API call — which is exactly why it never says anything we did not write.

Why did I get the same excuse twice?

Because the same name and mood always produce the same line — the generator seeds itself from what you typed. Change the name, or change the mood, and you will get a different one.

Is anything I type stored?

No. It runs entirely in your browser, there is no account, and the name you type is not uploaded or saved.

What is the Bangladesh song everyone is quoting?

A June 2026 release by Ian McConnell built around one very catchy complaint — the person he loves never takes him to Bangladesh. It blew up on TikTok over the summer.

Is this making fun of Bangladesh?

No — the joke is always on the person who won't book the flight, never on Bangladesh. The destination was never the problem. Book the flight.

Are the trip odds real?

Absolutely not. The percentage is a comedy prop generated on your device. If it says 4%, that's between you and whoever keeps saying “next year”.

Is it free and private?

Yes — completely free, no sign-up, and the whole tool runs in your browser. The name you type never leaves your device.

Can I use it for places other than Bangladesh?

The excuses are universal — anyone who has ever been promised a trip will recognise them. But the song is about Bangladesh, so the card says Bangladesh.